For our couple

Nobody’s and both: my client is the couple. The three of us make the contract, and my job is not to judge you but to help you both hear each other. You may have different views and different expectations of therapy; that is a fine place to start.

We set the goal together. It can be “fix it”, “decide what next” or “separate humanely”. I do not save a couple at any cost: if the outcome is separation, we work on making it gentle, especially when there are children.

• Sometimes, by agreement. But in a separate session we say nothing that could not be said to the partner. I am not the keeper of a couple’s secrets. If one of you needs a place for private matters, that is individual therapy with another specialist.
• If one of you writes to me between sessions, I bring it to the joint session. Not out of spite: otherwise a coalition appears, and therapy turns into the very thing you came about.
• If one of you wants to leave therapy, we discuss it together in a session, not by message.

I look at how power, care and responsibility are distributed. Threats, coercion and violence require a separate conversation about safety and about whether joint work is possible at all. Safety matters more than format: if we cannot work together, I will say so directly, and we will discuss what help each of you needs separately.

• A couples session lasts 75 minutes: 65 minutes of work and 5–10 minutes for practicalities and a break if needed.
• We usually meet once a week or once a fortnight; we choose together. Regularity matters: missed sessions dilute the process.
• Online on Zoom, both partners, cameras on. If you are in the same flat, it is better to sit in different rooms: it is easier for each of you to speak and easier for me to see you both.
• Before the first session each of you separately completes 2 questionnaires: Young’s schema questionnaire and the schema mode inventory. This is not an assessment but a map of the scripts each of you brings to the couple.

• A couples session costs £85. You can pay by card from any bank except Russian ones. Unfortunately I can no longer accept roubles; in exceptional cases we can discuss it separately.
• The fee is fixed for the first year of work. I do not raise it more than once a year or by more than 20%, and I give 1 month’s notice.
• Payment is before the session or right after it, no later than 2 hours after it ends, unless we agree otherwise. You can pay for several sessions in advance.
• 2 places in my schedule cost half price: these are reduced-fee places for people from vulnerable groups, including LGBTQ+ people and single mothers. They are often taken, so please message me directly before booking to check whether a place is free.

• Cancel or reschedule at least 24 hours in advance; later than that the session is paid in full. Cancellation by one partner is cancellation of the session: you came as two, you reschedule as two.
• If you are late, the session ends at the scheduled time. If I am late, I compensate the time in the way that suits you: extend this session, the next one or a discount.
• If I cancel a session with less than a day’s notice, the next one is at my expense.
• If one of you comes under the influence of alcohol or other substances, the session is cancelled and paid for.

• Everything you say in sessions and between them. The exceptions are the same as in individual work: real danger to you or others, information about abuse of children, the elderly or other dependent people, a court order.
• I do not record audio or video. I keep brief notes from which you cannot be identified; I keep them for 3 years and can delete them earlier at your request.
• I may discuss my difficulties in working with you in supervision, without names or identifying details. You can opt out; just say so.

• At any moment. If you let me know in advance, we schedule a closing session to sum up.
• Continuing couples work with one person is not possible: that is a different therapy. Individual work is discussed separately, and it is often better with another specialist; I will help you find one.
• If I see that my qualifications are not enough, I will say so openly and suggest other specialists.

Tell me. Unpleasant feelings, doubts, dissatisfaction and disagreements in the process are normal and useful information. I am open to discussing difficult and contentious moments. If you feel I have breached ethics, say so directly, as far as that is possible for you.

If there is no answer, or you feel your case was not given proper attention, you can contact the interdisciplinary ethics committee psyethics.ru or the ACBS association, contextualscience.org.

You are also free to voice complaints publicly and discuss our work with anyone, at any time.

Email and messengers are not always confidential, so personal and sensitive matters are for sessions, and messages are for practical questions.

I am available from 09:00 to 20:00 London time and reply within 48 hours. Telegram: @olantonova. Email: olga.antonova.y@gmail.com.

Messages and booking are not for emergencies. If you are in danger now or thinking about harming yourself, contact the emergency services or the crisis line in your country.